13 Parental Behaviors You Should Avoid if You Want to Build Trust With Your Kids

Building trust with your children is essential for a strong and healthy parent-child relationship. However, certain parental behaviors can undermine trust and damage this connection. To foster a secure and trusting bond with your kids, it’s crucial to be mindful of the way you interact with them on a daily basis. Here are 13 parental behaviors you should avoid if you want to build trust with your children:

1. Being Inconsistent

Children thrive on consistency and predictability. Inconsistency in your words or actions can lead to confusion and erode trust. Make sure to follow through on your promises and be consistent in your discipline and expectations. This consistency provides a sense of stability and security for your children, allowing them to rely on your words and actions.

Practical Tips:

• Set Clear Expectations: Outline clear rules and consequences that are consistently enforced. This helps children understand boundaries and what is expected of them.
• Routine Matters: Maintain a reliable daily routine. Whether it’s bedtime or meal times, consistency in daily activities provides a comforting structure.

Example:

Consider a parent who promises a weekend outing if chores are completed. If the child fulfills their end and the parent cancels last minute several times, trust is likely to erode.

2. Overreacting

Reacting impulsively or overreacting to situations can make your children hesitant to confide in you. Practice staying calm and composed, even in challenging moments, to show your children that you can handle difficult situations with grace. By demonstrating control over your emotions, you model effective coping strategies for your children to emulate in their own responses to stress and adversity.

Practical Tips:

• Pause and Reflect: Take a deep breath before responding to challenging situations. This helps in calming your initial emotional response.
• Use “I” Statements: Express your feelings using “I” statements to communicate without assigning blame. For example, “I feel upset when…”

Example:

If a child accidentally breaks something valuable, a calm response like, “Accidents happen, let’s see how we can fix this together,” teaches problem-solving rather than fear of punishment.

3. Lack of Empathy

Empathy is key to building trust and connection with your children. Failing to listen to their feelings or dismissive responses can make them feel unheard and distant. Take the time to empathize with your children’s emotions and validate their experiences. Showing empathy creates a supportive and understanding environment where your children feel valued and accepted for who they are.

Practical Tips:

• Active Listening: Give your full attention when your child is speaking. Nod, maintain eye contact, and reflect back what you hear to ensure understanding.
• Acknowledge Feelings: Instead of saying, “You’ll get over it,” try, “I can see that you’re really upset, and that’s okay.”

Example:

When a child is upset about a failed exam, instead of saying, “It’s just a test,” acknowledge their effort and discuss ways to improve next time.

4. Using Guilt or Manipulation

Guilt-tripping or manipulating your children to get your way can damage trust and lead to resentment. Instead of using these tactics, communicate openly and respectfully with your children to build trust based on mutual understanding. By fostering honest and transparent communication, you cultivate a foundation of trust built on respect and integrity.

Practical Tips:

• Direct Communication: Be clear about your needs and expectations without resorting to guilt. For instance, instead of, “If you loved me, you’d do this,” try, “I would appreciate your help with…”
• Encourage Honesty: Create an environment where children feel comfortable speaking their truth without fear of manipulation or reprisal.

Example:

Rather than saying, “You’ll make me sad if you don’t visit grandma,” try, “I think it would mean a lot to grandma if you spent some time with her.”

5. Imposing Unrealistic Expectations

Setting unrealistic expectations can put undue pressure on your children and cause them to doubt their abilities. Encourage and support them without imposing your own aspirations on them, allowing them to grow and thrive at their own pace. By nurturing their individual strengths and celebrating their achievements, you create a positive and empowering environment where they feel capable and valued.

Practical Tips:

• Recognize Individuality: Understand and appreciate your child’s unique talents and interests. Encourage pursuits that align with their strengths and passions.
• Set Achievable Goals: Help children set realistic goals and celebrate small milestones along the way to build confidence.

Example:

If a parent expects a child to excel in sports despite their interest in music, it can lead to frustration. Supporting their interest in music can foster confidence and joy.

6. Lack of Boundaries

Respecting your children’s boundaries is crucial for fostering trust and autonomy. Invading their privacy or disregarding their personal space can betray their trust and lead to feelings of resentment. Establish clear boundaries and respect their need for independence. Respecting boundaries demonstrates your trust in their judgment and fosters a sense of autonomy and respect within your relationship.

Practical Tips:

• Discuss Privacy Needs: Have age-appropriate conversations about privacy and personal space.
• Honor Independence: Allow children to make choices about their clothing, friendships, and hobbies as appropriate for their age.

Example:

Avoid reading your child’s diary without permission. Instead, encourage open communication where they feel comfortable sharing when they’re ready.

7. Favoritism

Showing favoritism towards one child over another can breed feelings of jealousy and insecurity. Treat all your children with fairness and equality, acknowledging their individual strengths and qualities to build trust and respect. By recognizing and appreciating each child’s unique attributes, you promote a sense of fairness and inclusivity that strengthens your bond with all your children.

Practical Tips:

• Equal Attention: Spend quality time with each child individually to strengthen unique bonds.
• Celebrate Differences: Acknowledge each child’s achievements and efforts, no matter how small.

Example:

If one child excels academically and another in sports, celebrate both achievements equally to avoid feelings of inadequacy.

8. Not Following Through

Failing to follow through on your commitments or promises can undermine your credibility and trustworthiness. Make sure to keep your word and fulfill your obligations to show your children that they can rely on you. Consistently honoring your commitments builds a sense of dependability and reliability, reinforcing your children’s trust in your words and actions.

Practical Tips:

• Be Realistic: Only make promises you can keep. If unforeseen circumstances arise, explain honestly to your child.
• Accountability: Show your children that everyone, including you, is accountable for their actions and commitments.

Example:

If you promise a family outing, and plans change, explain why and reschedule to maintain trust.

9. Lack of Communication

Open and honest communication is essential for building trust with your children. Avoiding difficult conversations or keeping secrets can create barriers in your relationship. Foster a culture of communication and encourage your children to express themselves freely. By fostering open communication, you create a safe space for your children to share their thoughts, feelings, and concerns, strengthening the foundation of trust and understanding in your relationship.

Practical Tips:

• Encourage Dialogue: Regularly ask open-ended questions about their day and feelings to encourage sharing.
• Create Safe Spaces: Let your children know they can talk to you about anything without judgment or immediate consequences.

Example:

Instead of dismissing a child’s feelings about a friendship issue, engage with questions like, “How did that make you feel?”

10. Using Physical or Emotional Abuse

Any form of abuse, whether physical or emotional, can severely damage trust and cause long-lasting trauma. Create a safe and nurturing environment for your children, free from any form of abuse or violence. Prioritizing their emotional and physical well-being establishes a foundation of safety and security, fostering trust and emotional connection within your family.

Practical Tips:

• Nonviolent Communication: Employ peaceful conflict resolution strategies and teach these to your children.
• Seek Professional Help: If you struggle with anger management or past trauma, seek help to prevent these issues from affecting your parenting.

Example:

Replace shouting with calm discussions to resolve conflicts and teach children the power of words over violence.

11. Neglecting Their Emotional Needs

Ignoring or downplaying your children’s emotional needs can lead to feelings of neglect and insecurity. Show empathy and support for their emotional well-being, actively listening and validating their feelings. By acknowledging and addressing their emotional needs, you demonstrate care and understanding, strengthening the emotional bond and trust between you and your children.

Practical Tips:

• Emotional Check-ins: Regularly ask your children how they are feeling and listen actively to their responses.
• Support Systems: Encourage them to express emotions through art, writing, or talking, providing tools to process their feelings.

Example:

If a child is sad about moving homes, validate their feelings and discuss the positive aspects of the move together.

12. Being Overprotective

While it’s natural to want to protect your children, being overly controlling can hinder their growth and independence. Allow them the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them, fostering a sense of trust in their own abilities. Balancing protection with autonomy empowers your children to develop resilience and self-confidence, building trust in their own capabilities and decision-making skills.

Practical Tips:

• Risk Assessment: Gradually allow age-appropriate risks, like walking to school alone, to build confidence.
• Empower Decision-Making: Encourage children to make choices and learn from the outcomes, offering guidance rather than control.

Example:

Instead of preventing all failures, support them in trying new sports or activities, teaching perseverance and resilience.

13. Not Respecting Their Opinions

Dismissing or belittling your children’s opinions can make them feel undervalued and unheard. Respect their thoughts and ideas, engaging in meaningful discussions that validate their viewpoints and nurture trust. By valuing and considering their opinions, you demonstrate respect for their individual perspectives and foster a sense of trust and mutual understanding within your family.

Practical Tips:

• Engage in Dialogue: Discuss topics of interest to them, and listen to their views without interrupting or dismissing.
• Encourage Debate: Respectfully challenge each other’s opinions to develop critical thinking and respect for diverse perspectives.

Example:

If your child expresses an interest in a career path different from your expectations, discuss their interests and offer support rather than dismissing their choice.

Conclusion

Building trust with your children is an ongoing process that requires patience, consistency, and empathy. By avoiding these 13 behaviors and actively working to foster open, honest, and supportive communication, you can create a strong foundation of trust and respect. This nurturing environment will not only benefit your relationship with your children but also empower them to grow into confident, independent, and emotionally healthy individuals. Remember, trust is a two-way street, and by respecting and valuing your children as individuals, you pave the way for a lifetime of mutual trust and understanding.