Have you ever found yourself wanting something — a new phone, a certain vacation, a specific career path — just after seeing someone else want it? You might have thought it was your own idea, but chances are, it wasn’t. This is the power of mimetic desire — the subconscious tendency to want what others want, simply because they want it. Coined by French philosopher René Girard, this concept explains a surprising amount of human behavior, from fads and fashion to envy and conflict. We don’t just imitate others’ actions. We imitate their desires. And in doing so, we often lose track of what we actually want. This article unpacks mimetic desire: how it works, where it leads us, and how to recognize when our wants are not really our own.
What Is Mimetic Desire?
Unlike basic needs like food or safety, many of our desires are shaped socially. Girard argued that desire is relational — we don’t invent it on our own; we catch it from others. We watch others want things, and this signals to us that those things are valuable. You don’t just want the designer bag because it’s useful. You want it because it’s desired — maybe by a celebrity, a friend, or everyone on your social feed.
This dynamic is everywhere: Children fight over toys not because they need them, but because another child is playing with it. Adults chase careers, luxury goods, or lifestyles primarily because they’ve seen someone else chase them first. We imitate not just what people do — but what they crave.
The Model and the Rival
According to Girard, when we imitate someone’s desire, we turn them into a model. At first, we admire them. But if we begin to compete for the same thing, they become a rival. Let’s say two people admire the same romantic partner or strive for the same promotion. The rivalry becomes personal, not necessarily because the goal is so meaningful, but because each sees the other desiring it, intensifying their own want. It becomes about winning, not wanting.
Real-Life Examples of Mimetic Rivalries
Consider two coworkers vying for a promotion. Initially, they might be friends, but as the competition heats up, admiration turns into rivalry. Each sees the other’s desire for the position, making it even more desirable. Suddenly, it’s not just about career advancement; it’s about beating the other person.
In personal relationships, siblings often exhibit mimetic rivalry, competing for parental attention or resources. One sibling desires a specific toy or privilege just because the other wants it, leading to conflict that can last into adulthood.
Mimetic Desire in Modern Life
In the digital era, mimetic desire has become supercharged. Social media platforms amplify what’s desirable by showing us what others like, share, or flaunt. You see people posting about their workouts, wealth, relationships, or hobbies — and suddenly, your own life feels inadequate. This isn’t by accident. Algorithms are designed to show you what’s already gaining traction. It’s desire by design.
The Role of Social Media
Social media platforms act as petri dishes for mimetic desire. Instagram influencers, for example, often showcase idealized lifestyles that followers aspire to emulate. The curated images create a feedback loop of desire — as more people engage with the content, the more it spreads, and the more desirable it becomes.
Tip: To mitigate this, curate your feed. Follow accounts that align with your genuine interests rather than aspirational lifestyles that don’t resonate with your true self.
The Psychological Toll
Mimetic desire can be exhausting — because it pushes us to constantly pursue things that don’t fulfill us. Instead of chasing what we value, we chase what others value. This leads to:
- Envy: A nagging sense that others have more desirable lives.
- Insecurity: Wondering if you’re falling behind.
- Imposter syndrome: Feeling fake because you’re chasing goals that aren’t truly yours.
And ironically, once we achieve these mimetic desires, the satisfaction is often hollow. Because we didn’t want them to begin with — not truly.
Coping Strategies
- Mindful Consumption: Be conscious of what media you consume. Limit exposure to content that triggers feelings of inadequacy or envy.
- Gratitude Practices: Regularly reflecting on what you’re thankful for can help ground you in your own values, reducing the pull of mimetic desires.
Mimetic Desire in Conflict and Culture
Girard also believed mimetic desire could explain violence and social breakdown. When many people want the same thing, rivalry intensifies. This can lead to scapegoating — blaming someone or something to restore order. Think of political discourse, celebrity scandals, or social media pile-ons. Often, they’re not about the person being blamed. They’re about relieving tension caused by conflicting desires in society.
Cultural Manifestations
In myths, Girard found stories where a community descends into chaos until one figure is sacrificed or exiled. The same dynamic still plays out today, just with more hashtags. Consider how public figures are often vilified to satiate collective tensions within a community, diverting attention from the real issues at hand.
Can We Escape the Mimetic Trap?
You can’t eliminate mimetic desire — it’s part of being human. But you can become aware of it. And that awareness can change everything.
Steps to Recognize and Redirect Mimetic Desire
- Pay Attention to Your Models: Ask yourself: Who influences what I want? Who do I admire? Who do I envy? Sometimes, just identifying these people (or platforms) can help you detach from their influence.
- Question Your Desires: Before chasing a new goal, trend, or object, ask: Do I really want this? Or am I copying someone else’s want? If your answer feels vague or performative, it may not be yours.
- Embrace Stillness and Solitude: In solitude, you can begin to hear your own voice again. Without the noise of the crowd, you may rediscover older, truer desires that were drowned out by mimetic signals.
- Choose Better Models: Mimetic desire isn’t always bad. A good mentor, role model, or teacher can inspire healthy desire — for growth, contribution, or mastery. Surround yourself with people who live by values, not vanity.
- Reflect on Your Values: Regularly take time to reflect on what truly matters to you. This can help distinguish between desires that are genuinely yours and those that are mimetically borrowed.
The Influence of Environment on Desire
Our environment plays a crucial role in shaping our desires. From the communities we belong to, the workplaces we engage with, to the social circles we frequent — each context offers its own set of models and rivals.
Practical Tips for Creating a Healthy Environment
- Curate Your Social Circle: Surround yourself with individuals who encourage personal growth and authenticity rather than superficial competition.
- Design Your Space for Reflection: Create a physical space that encourages reflection and solitude, where you can disconnect from external influences.
Mimetic Desire and Consumerism
Mimetic desire fuels consumer culture. Marketing strategies often rely on creating a sense of desire by showcasing products as coveted by others. This is why celebrity endorsements and influencer marketing are so effective — they tap into our mimetic instincts.
How to Navigate Consumer Traps
- Be a Conscious Consumer: Before making a purchase, consider whether the desire for the product is internally motivated or externally influenced.
- Set Intentional Buying Habits: Establish guidelines for yourself, such as waiting 48 hours before making non-essential purchases. This pause can help discern genuine interest from mimetic impulse.
Reclaiming What You Want
Most of us think our desires are a reflection of who we are. In reality, they often reflect who we follow. Mimetic desire is not evil — it’s a natural part of being social. But if you let it control you, you risk spending your life chasing someone else’s dream.
Developing Self-Awareness
- Journaling: Regular journaling can help you track patterns in your desires and identify which are truly yours.
- Mindfulness Practices: Techniques like meditation can enhance your ability to recognize when desires are externally influenced.
- Community Engagement: Engage with communities that prioritize shared values over material success. This can help reinforce authentic desires.
By cultivating awareness, we can reclaim our desires and align them more closely with our true selves. When you feel that sudden pull toward something new, pause and ask: “Is this truly what I want — or is it what I’ve been told to want?” In that small moment of questioning, you take the first step toward living your own life.
