Bullying is a pervasive and damaging issue that can have significant and lasting effects on a child’s emotional, physical, and mental health. Children who are bullied often suffer in silence, unsure of how to seek help or too afraid to talk about their experiences. Because of this, the responsibility often falls on parents and caregivers to recognize the signs of bullying and take action. The effects of bullying, if left unchecked, can lead to long-term issues such as anxiety, depression, and poor academic performance. This guide outlines 15 signs that may indicate your child is being bullied, along with practical, detailed advice on how to deal with it to ensure your child receives the support they need.
1. Unexplained Injuries
Children who are physically bullied might come home with cuts, bruises, or other unexplained injuries. These injuries may be brushed off by the child as accidental or downplayed out of fear of the bully or embarrassment. Pay close attention if your child starts wearing long sleeves or pants to cover up their injuries or if they are reluctant to talk about how they got hurt.
What to Watch For:
- Regular bruises, scrapes, or cuts without any clear explanation.
- Vague or evasive responses when asked about how injuries happened.
- Wearing concealing clothing, even in warm weather, possibly to hide marks.
How to Deal With It:
Approach your child with calmness and concern, rather than immediate alarm, as children may be afraid of getting into trouble or escalating the situation. Ask open-ended questions like, “I noticed you have a bruise. Did something happen at school?” If they hesitate or seem reluctant to talk, let them know that they are safe to share anything with you and that you won’t be angry or upset.
Once your child opens up, reassure them that what they are experiencing is not their fault and that they are not alone. Contact the school immediately and request a meeting with the teacher, school counselor, and potentially the principal. Bring up the injuries and ask for supervision during vulnerable times like recess, lunchtime, and before or after school. Make sure your child knows they can come to you any time they feel unsafe. If the bullying persists, consider involving the school board or law enforcement if physical harm continues.
2. Frequent Headaches, Stomachaches, or Other Physical Complaints
Children who are being bullied often manifest their emotional distress physically, particularly through psychosomatic symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, or nausea. These symptoms are often linked to anxiety and stress, especially if they intensify on school days or when the child is getting ready to leave for school.
What to Watch For:
- Frequent complaints of headaches, stomachaches, or other physical issues, especially on school mornings.
- Regular visits to the school nurse for symptoms without a clear medical cause.
- Refusing to go to school or frequently asking to stay home due to feeling unwell.
How to Deal With It:
First, take your child to a healthcare provider to rule out any physical illnesses. Explain the situation to the doctor so they understand the potential link between your child’s symptoms and bullying. If no medical condition is found, gently approach the possibility that emotional stress from school may be contributing to their physical symptoms.
Reassure your child that it’s okay to feel upset and that their feelings are valid. Explain how stress and anxiety can sometimes make our bodies feel sick, and let them know you’re there to support them. When addressing the school, ask that teachers and counselors pay attention to how your child interacts with others, particularly during times like recess or lunch, where bullying is more likely to occur. Consider introducing stress-relief techniques at home, such as deep breathing exercises or mindfulness activities, to help them manage their anxiety.
In more severe cases where physical symptoms persist despite intervention, consider seeking counseling or therapy for your child. A child psychologist or counselor can help your child develop coping strategies and provide a safe space for them to express their emotions.
3. Changes in Eating Habits
Sudden changes in your child’s eating habits can be a red flag for bullying. Children who are stressed or anxious due to bullying might lose their appetite, skip meals, or overeat as a form of comfort. They may also avoid eating in the school cafeteria to steer clear of bullies, which can lead to coming home with uneaten lunches.
What to Watch For:
- Skipping meals or saying they are not hungry, even when they normally enjoy eating.
- Significant weight loss or weight gain without any other clear explanation.
- Avoiding food at school or bringing home a lunch that hasn’t been touched.
How to Deal With It:
Start by creating a non-judgmental environment to talk about your child’s eating habits. You could say something like, “I’ve noticed you haven’t been eating much lately. Is something going on at school that’s making you lose your appetite?” Approach the situation with compassion rather than frustration.
If your child admits they’re avoiding lunch because of bullying, work with the school to ensure they feel safe during meal times. For instance, you could request that your child eat in a more supervised area or with a group of trusted friends. Meanwhile, at home, try to focus on regular family meals where you can create a relaxing environment for your child to eat without pressure.
In addition, pay attention to emotional cues. If your child is eating more or less because they are using food to cope with stress, it might be helpful to work with a counselor or therapist who can help them develop healthier coping mechanisms. Emotional eating or loss of appetite are often signs that a child needs emotional support in dealing with the anxiety caused by bullying.
4. Trouble Sleeping or Frequent Nightmares
Sleep disturbances are common among children experiencing bullying. The constant stress and fear of facing their bully can make it difficult for them to fall asleep, stay asleep, or experience restful sleep. Nightmares related to bullying, or simply dreading the next school day, can prevent a child from getting the sleep they need, further exacerbating their anxiety and emotional exhaustion.
What to Watch For:
- Difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or frequent waking during the night.
- Complaints of nightmares, particularly related to school or social situations.
- Refusal to go to bed or expressing fear or anxiety about the next school day.
How to Deal With It:
First, establish a calm, consistent bedtime routine to help your child feel safe and secure. This might include reading together, practicing breathing exercises, or listening to soothing music. Ask your child about their dreams and nighttime worries in a gentle, supportive manner, without pressing them if they’re reluctant to share.
If bullying is contributing to their nightmares or difficulty sleeping, acknowledge their fears and validate their feelings. You might say, “It sounds like school has been really hard for you lately, and it’s making it difficult to sleep. I’m here for you, and we’re going to figure this out together.”
Next, inform the school about the bullying situation. Ask the school counselor or teacher to keep a close eye on your child during stressful parts of the day, such as lunchtime or transitions between classes. You may also want to seek help from a child therapist who can work with your child on managing their anxiety and developing tools to help them sleep better. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective in helping children reframe their thoughts and reduce anxiety-related sleep disturbances.
5. Declining Grades and Lack of Interest in School
When children are bullied, it’s common for their academic performance to decline. The stress and emotional turmoil caused by bullying can make it difficult for them to concentrate on their schoolwork. They may become disorganized, forget assignments, or lose interest in subjects they once enjoyed. They may also avoid school entirely, pretending to be sick or asking to stay home because they are afraid of facing their bully.
What to Watch For:
- A sudden drop in grades or increased difficulty completing homework.
- Teachers expressing concerns about your child’s lack of focus, participation, or behavioral changes in class.
- Frequent requests to stay home from school, often citing vague reasons like not feeling well.
How to Deal With It:
Approach the subject by talking about school in a non-threatening way. You could ask, “How are things going in class? I noticed your grades have dropped, and I’m wondering if something at school is bothering you.” This opens the door for your child to share their feelings without feeling blamed.
Once your child confides in you about the bullying, work with the school to create a plan that helps your child feel safer and more supported in their learning environment. Ask the teacher if they can create more structured opportunities for your child to engage academically in a supportive setting, such as working in small groups or participating in extracurricular activities where they feel safe.
At home, provide your child with encouragement and practical support, such as helping with homework or creating a quiet, comfortable space for studying. Reinforce that their academic performance doesn’t define their worth and that you’re more concerned with their well-being than their grades. If your child continues to struggle academically, consider meeting with a school counselor or educational psychologist to explore interventions that can help your child regain focus and confidence in their schoolwork.
6. Social Withdrawal
Children who are bullied often start to withdraw from social situations. They may avoid friends, stop attending social events, or isolate themselves at home. The emotional toll of bullying can make them feel as though they are not welcome in social circles, or they may fear further humiliation or rejection if they engage with peers.
What to Watch For:
- Avoiding playdates, birthday parties, or social events they once looked forward to.
- Spending more time alone in their room or engaging in solitary activities.
- A noticeable lack of communication with friends or a reluctance to talk about their social life.
How to Deal With It:
Encourage your child to talk about their friendships and social interactions. Start by asking open-ended questions such as, “I noticed you haven’t been spending as much time with your friends lately. Is something going on?” Let your child take the lead in the conversation, and be patient if they’re not ready to open up immediately.
If they admit that they are being bullied or feel isolated, reassure them that it’s not their fault and that they deserve to have friends who treat them with kindness and respect. Work with the school to ensure that your child is not isolated during unstructured times, such as lunch or recess. Encourage teachers or school staff to foster group activities that can help your child reconnect with classmates in a positive, supervised environment.
At home, try to facilitate social interactions in safe, supportive settings. This might include arranging playdates or activities with children your child feels comfortable with. You can also help your child develop social skills and boost their confidence by enrolling them in extracurricular activities where they can meet new friends, such as sports teams, art classes, or clubs.
If the social withdrawal continues, consider seeking help from a counselor or therapist who can work with your child on rebuilding their confidence and social skills. Sometimes, children who have experienced bullying may benefit from therapy that helps them process their emotions and regain their self-esteem.
7. Low Self-Esteem or Negative Self-Talk
Children who are bullied often internalize the negative messages they hear from their peers, which can lead to a decline in self-esteem. They might begin to believe the hurtful things said to them, leading to negative self-talk such as calling themselves “stupid,” “ugly,” or “worthless.” This can be particularly damaging during childhood, as it shapes how they see themselves and their abilities.
What to Watch For:
- Frequently putting themselves down or using negative language to describe themselves (e.g., “I’m dumb,” “I can’t do anything right”).
- Avoiding challenges or opportunities because they feel they aren’t good enough.
- Expressing feelings of worthlessness or self-blame for being bullied.
How to Deal With It:
When you notice negative self-talk, it’s important to address it immediately with empathy and positive reinforcement. For example, if your child says, “I’m stupid,” respond with, “I’m really sorry you feel that way, but I know that’s not true. You’re smart, kind, and capable of so many great things.” Help your child reframe their negative thoughts by reminding them of their strengths and accomplishments.
Involve the school by discussing the bullying issue with teachers or counselors. The school should create an environment that promotes positive peer interactions and discourages any form of name-calling or teasing. Suggest that your child participate in confidence-building activities, whether it’s through public speaking, team sports, or creative arts.
Encourage your child to express their emotions and frustrations in healthier ways. Whether it’s through journaling, art, or talking to a trusted adult, finding outlets for their emotions can help them regain their sense of self-worth. You might also want to consider therapy, as a professional can help your child develop positive self-talk habits and work on rebuilding their self-esteem.
8. Changes in Personality or Mood
A child who is normally outgoing, talkative, or cheerful may become quiet, withdrawn, or moody if they are being bullied. The constant stress and emotional pain caused by bullying can lead to mood swings, irritability, or even depression. You might notice that your child no longer behaves the way they used to, and they might seem emotionally distant or more reactive than before.
What to Watch For:
- Significant changes in behavior, such as becoming more withdrawn or irritable.
- Sudden mood swings or an increase in crying or emotional outbursts.
- Seeming disconnected from things they used to enjoy, such as hobbies or spending time with family.
How to Deal With It:
First, try to understand whether your child is aware of their mood changes by asking, “I’ve noticed you seem a little different lately. Is something on your mind?” This opens the conversation without judgment. If they express frustration or sadness about bullying, validate their feelings and let them know it’s okay to feel upset.
Once the conversation is open, reassure your child that they are not alone and that bullying is never their fault. Approach the school to address the bullying situation. Make sure the school understands the emotional toll this is taking on your child and ask for immediate action, such as increased supervision, counseling support, or anti-bullying programs.
At home, create a positive, supportive environment where your child feels safe to express their emotions. Encourage them to participate in activities they enjoy or find calming. If their mood swings or personality changes are severe or persistent, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can work with your child to develop emotional regulation skills, manage mood swings, and provide strategies for coping with the ongoing stress caused by bullying.
9. Avoidance of School or Social Situations
One of the most common signs that a child is being bullied is their sudden reluctance or refusal to go to school or participate in social activities. They may make frequent excuses to stay home, such as claiming to feel sick, or they may express fear or anxiety about attending school. In some cases, children may also start skipping classes or hiding in the school to avoid interactions with their bully.
What to Watch For:
- Frequent complaints of feeling unwell or asking to stay home from school.
- Expressing fear, anxiety, or dread about going to school.
- Missing school or certain classes without a clear explanation.
How to Deal With It:
If your child is avoiding school or social activities, it’s important to understand why. Ask open-ended questions like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been asking to stay home from school a lot lately. Is something happening there that’s making you feel uncomfortable?” If they reveal that bullying is the cause, reassure them that you will work with the school to ensure their safety.
Contact the school immediately to discuss the issue. Request a meeting with teachers, counselors, and administrators to develop a plan that addresses both the bullying and your child’s fear of attending school. This plan may include providing your child with a safe place to go during break times, ensuring that teachers are monitoring the bully’s behavior, or setting up regular check-ins with a counselor.
At home, support your child by creating a consistent routine that includes going to school and engaging in social activities. While it’s important to validate their feelings, avoiding school altogether can reinforce their fear. Instead, work with the school to create a safe, supportive environment that encourages your child to return to the classroom. If their anxiety persists, therapy may be needed to help them overcome their fear of social situations.
10. Sudden Change in Friendships or Social Circles
Children who are bullied may experience changes in their social circles, either because their friends are distancing themselves out of fear of being bullied as well, or because the bully has actively alienated them from their peer group. Your child may suddenly lose friends, or they may start hanging out with a new group of kids who may not be the best influence.
What to Watch For:
- A sudden change in friendships, such as losing close friends without explanation.
- Your child spending time with a new group of friends who may encourage risky or negative behaviors.
- Refusal to talk about their social life or avoiding social interactions altogether.
How to Deal With It:
Start by asking your child about their friendships in a non-confrontational way. You could say, “I’ve noticed you haven’t been hanging out with [friend’s name] lately. Did something happen between you two?” Encourage your child to share their experiences, whether it’s about losing friends or being excluded from social activities.
If your child expresses that they’ve lost friends due to bullying, help them understand that true friends would never support bullying behaviors. Encourage them to build new friendships through positive outlets, such as joining clubs or activities where they can meet peers who share similar interests. At the same time, address the bullying directly with the school to prevent further alienation and social isolation.
If your child starts hanging out with a new group that seems to engage in negative or risky behaviors, have an honest conversation about peer pressure and the importance of healthy friendships. Encourage your child to make decisions that reflect their values, and provide opportunities for them to meet positive influences through extracurricular activities or family friends.
11. Risky or Self-Destructive Behaviors
In some cases, children who are bullied may engage in risky or self-destructive behaviors as a way of coping with their emotional pain. This might include experimenting with drugs or alcohol, engaging in physical fights, or even self-harming behaviors such as cutting. These behaviors can be a way to numb the pain or feel in control of a situation that feels otherwise overwhelming.
What to Watch For:
- Unexplained cuts, bruises, or signs of self-harm.
- Experimenting with risky behaviors, such as drug or alcohol use, skipping school, or getting into fights.
- Increased recklessness or a noticeable disregard for their own safety.
How to Deal With It:
If your child is engaging in risky or self-destructive behaviors, it’s essential to address the issue with urgency and care. Approach the conversation with empathy, saying something like, “I’ve noticed you seem really upset lately and you’re doing some things that worry me. Can we talk about what’s going on?” Avoid punitive language and instead focus on creating a space where your child feels safe to express their feelings.
Seek professional help immediately if your child is engaging in self-harm or other dangerous behaviors. A therapist can work with your child to understand the underlying causes of their actions and help them develop healthier coping mechanisms. Simultaneously, work with the school to address the bullying issue directly and ensure that your child is protected from further harm.
12. Frequent Loss of Personal Items
Children who are being bullied may frequently lose personal belongings, such as books, clothing, or money. In reality, these items may have been stolen or destroyed by bullies. If your child is constantly losing or coming home without their belongings, this could be a sign that something is wrong.
What to Watch For:
- Frequently coming home without items like books, lunch boxes, money, or clothing.
- Hesitating or giving vague explanations when asked where their belongings are.
- Avoiding taking valuable items to school out of fear of them being stolen or damaged.
How to Deal With It:
Ask your child gently about the missing items. Instead of accusing them of carelessness, try saying something like, “I noticed your jacket is missing. Did something happen at school?” If your child admits that their belongings are being stolen or destroyed, reassure them that it’s not their fault.
Contact the school to report the theft or destruction of your child’s belongings. Ask the school to monitor your child’s possessions more closely and ensure that they have a safe place to store their items, such as a locker with a secure lock. If the situation persists, request a meeting with the bully’s parents or involve the school administration to ensure that consequences are enforced.
13. Sudden Aggression or Outbursts
Children who are being bullied may exhibit sudden aggression or emotional outbursts, even at home. They might become angry, lash out, or express frustration in ways that seem disproportionate to the situation. This could be because they are bottling up their feelings of fear and helplessness, only to release them in a safer environment where they feel they won’t face retaliation.
What to Watch For:
- Increased irritability, anger, or emotional outbursts at home, often over minor issues.
- Lashing out at siblings or parents, sometimes with no clear provocation.
- Sudden aggression that seems out of character for your child.
How to Deal With It:
Approach your child with understanding rather than anger. You might say, “I noticed you’ve been getting upset more often lately. I’m wondering if something is bothering you.” Let them know it’s okay to feel angry or frustrated, but that it’s important to talk about those feelings instead of acting out.
If your child shares that they are being bullied, validate their emotions and offer your full support. Explain that it’s normal to feel upset, but it’s also essential to express those feelings in healthy ways. Work with the school to address the bullying and create a plan that helps your child feel safer. Consider enrolling your child in activities like sports, martial arts, or creative outlets where they can channel their emotions in constructive ways.
If the aggression persists, seek help from a therapist who can work with your child on emotional regulation and anger management. A professional can help your child understand the root causes of their anger and teach them coping mechanisms that reduce emotional outbursts.
14. Unexplained Fear of Specific People or Places
If your child expresses fear or reluctance to interact with specific people or go to certain places, this could be a sign that they are being bullied by someone in that environment. They might avoid certain hallways, classrooms, or activities where they know the bully will be, or they may express fear of a particular teacher, student, or bus driver who might not be directly involved but fails to prevent the bullying.
What to Watch For:
- Avoiding certain areas of the school, such as hallways, playgrounds, or bathrooms.
- Expressing fear of specific individuals, such as teachers, classmates, or older students.
- Refusing to go to school activities like recess, sports, or after-school programs where bullying might occur.
How to Deal With It:
Gently ask your child about the places or people they are afraid of, saying something like, “I’ve noticed you don’t like going to [place] or spending time with [person]. Can you tell me why?” If your child reveals that they are being bullied or feeling unsafe around certain people, validate their concerns and let them know you’re taking the situation seriously.
Speak with the school about providing additional supervision in the areas where bullying occurs, and ensure that your child has a safe route through the school, avoiding unsupervised areas where bullying is more likely to happen. In some cases, moving your child’s schedule or seating arrangement might be necessary to prevent contact with the bully. At home, continue to offer emotional support and reassure your child that they deserve to feel safe wherever they are.
15. Talking About or Showing Interest in Suicide or Self-Harm
One of the most serious signs of bullying is when a child begins to talk about death, suicide, or self-harm. Children who are being bullied can feel trapped, isolated, and hopeless, which can lead to thoughts of ending their pain in extreme ways. Even if your child is not openly talking about suicide, they might show an interest in dark themes through writing, drawing, or conversations.
What to Watch For:
- Making statements like, “I wish I wasn’t here,” or “Everyone would be better off without me.”
- Talking about death or expressing a fascination with dark, morbid themes.
- Drawing or writing about suicide, death, or self-harm.
How to Deal With It:
If your child talks about suicide or self-harm, take it seriously and seek immediate help. Begin by talking to your child in a calm, caring manner. You might say, “I’ve noticed you’ve been talking about some really tough things lately, like not wanting to be here anymore. Can you tell me more about what’s going on?” Let them know you’re there to listen, not judge, and that their feelings are valid but that there are ways to help them feel better.
Contact a mental health professional as soon as possible. A therapist or counselor can work with your child to explore their feelings and develop coping strategies. In extreme cases, emergency intervention may be necessary, especially if your child has a plan to harm themselves. At the same time, work with the school to address the bullying and ensure that your child feels safe. This might include increased supervision, a change in class schedules, or even moving to a different school if the bullying is severe and cannot be resolved.
Conclusion
Recognizing the signs of bullying early is crucial for protecting your child’s emotional and physical well-being. Bullying can have devastating long-term consequences if left unchecked, but with the right support and intervention, children can recover, regain their confidence, and thrive. If you suspect your child is being bullied, it’s important to approach them with compassion, listen without judgment, and take immediate action to involve the school and possibly a mental health professional. Building a strong, open relationship with your child will help them feel safe to share their experiences and know that they are not alone in facing bullying.
